Well here we are at the end of another year! Always the time to reflect on what happened in the past year as we prepare to move into the new year. Some of us say “right it’s time for change” and make up new year resolutions to make those changes happen. Some of us are like “yeah ok another year, let’s see what it brings” and just go with the flow. While other’s can’t be bothered to be excited or disappointed by the change of year as the rollercoaster they are on is just going.
For myself, I do not like resolutions. They are things we strive to do and start off on the right track but by March like 97% of anyone who had set up resolutions had stopped working on them. It seems like a fad. Something we do as a tradition to go with the New Year celebrations. I like instead that we make and carefully decide on making life changes and not necessarily just as a reflection for the new year ahead. Our lives are constantly reacting to what is surrounding us and what is happening. Are we making the right choices? The right change? Did we really think that through for ourselves or influenced by others? Are we being true to our true self?
2017 has seen me question myself in all aspects of my life and relationships. It started just okay. I was in a job that I was very tired of working in but continued anyways as you have to make that money and pay bills. I had no goals or target set but to make myself happy but what exactly did that entail? I usual thought being happy centered around having family and friends plus money in my pocket to do what I wanted. Which is really great when you think of it but when you start to really look into it you have to qualify a few things. Because you could have family but they take more than they give. Or friends who only want to be “friends” when they are available and willing. A job that sucks the life out of you leaving you bored & depressed but yet pays you well. So you have to look deeply within yourself to really have an understanding of what you want to be able to move forward and be happy.
So I had to look clearly and it took me a very long way through 2017 before reaching any real conclusion. I went about my business as the year started. While on my annual rugby trip to Wales in March with my most awesome rugby sidekick did I really start to notice that my life was on a very low-level. It was a weekend of a lot of laughs and happy highs that I realized something had to change. Work wasn’t agreeing to give me a sabbatical to sort my life out so I gave in my notice. When I told my friends what I did there were a lot of the right words but no true feeling behind it to make me think all of them understood what I meant and really needed. What I realized from those who asked the question of “what’s next” to “well what do you think you want to do that will make you truly happy?” is there are friends who know you and are there for you through out all your ups and downs. And there are those friends who are still great to have around but who are not part of a true support system to your well-being. So you try to decide, do I stop being friends or do I just not dwell on relying upon them so much in my life. I decided to not be the one that always called or always messaged to say “hello” or try to set up something. Would they notice? Would they even care? Would I even care if they did or didn’t? You shouldn’t have to force people to be your friend as you are not going to get the best in that situation. So no more “hey where have you been” messages or calls as someone once wrote “if they want to be with you they would be”! I do love hanging out with people because I am a social person. But I have also learnt that I am my best friend. I can be by myself to go to the movies or dinner or shopping and be very okay! So if you don’t want to call me don’t worry babes I will be just fine with the crazy awesome sauce friends that do call (waves to cat lady!!)
My unemployed to employed to back to unemployed self is still on that grind but I now know where I want to focus on. After having all this me time (a lot of me time unfortunately), I have decided to go back to school. Once that was decided I had the task of deciding on what the friggin hell do I study?? Took some deep thinking (AGAIN) but I put the things in a bowl that I like to do and BOOM!! I will be following my angel(my Mother) into her line of work – Cosmetology. My mother had tried constantly to get me into the field as she felt I had the hands and could retain the knowledge of proper care but I kept resisting for why I do not know. But no longer peoples, applications have been sent out to a few accredited schools. Me and my thinking cap are back in business hopefully in September 2018. All of this really came from all the awesome people I follow on Twitter. I am sure you just went what??!!! Yes I said it!! It all started when I started following BlackGirlNerds. The lovely Jamie was constantly RT or commenting with others who I ended up following. Following them lead me to following others who had great insight and knowledge which helped me open my closed book. Their shared views and comments helped me to see a different possibility for me and to not ever hold back. They constantly filled my TL with information, meaningful dialogue, laughter, direction but most of all sisterhood. They gave me the strength to say no to what others thought I should have done and be happy with doing what I want to do. I will most likely post this article so I would love to thank the women who have made my TL the best in 2017 – @BlackGirlNerds, @FilmFatale_NYC, @Lexialex, @ReelTalker, @ava, @ReignOfApril, @iamlaurenp, @JoyAnnReid, @AmmaAsante and many many more great voices.
The road may have a few bumps and turns along the way but as long as I keep walking on it I will reach the sunshine on the otherside! So I want to wish everyone a very Happy New Year. May 2018 be all that you make it to be!!